If you know anything about me, you will know I require egg meals in the weekends, Saturday through Sunday. The benedict is my go to, my staple, with all the bacons in the land and I know the best places in town to get such meals. But today I was taken somewhere for breakfast (at 1.30pm) where I have only dined for lunch. I was at the counter searching the menu for bene with bacons. Their only options were spinach or salmon. So naturally I thought to just make a special order for eggs bene with bacon. The man behind the counter then stated that it is a Jewish cafe with a Jewish menu and they do not serve bacon. This sentence came out as white noise in my ear holes, my vision was closing in and I even lost focus on the hundreds of small cakes dying to jump into my mouth at the slightest signal of approval. It is 1.30pm and all I require is an egg meal with approx half a sow worth of bacons. “We have pastrami!” The man spewed into my disbelieving face. Well what the fuck kind of substitute is that you awkward bodied wizard?!! What do I look like, a cold meats platter for breakfast kind of girl! I want burnt yet sweaty strips of fat piggy meat to mop up the golden tones of a poached virginal nugget.
I ordered the pastrami…..