Today was a good day

I was feeling a little wild this morning so I didn’t order eggs but an intensely sweaty and sweet stack of French toast with crispy bacon and sloppy bananas instead.
On my way to do my all important errands for the day, I did 3 crimes all at the same time and Snapchatted it (cool, I know).
I went and had a Chinese massage which surprisingly included an extensive ass massage (pants on). It was good.
I then went back to the car and witnessed an incredible scene where two fat dudes with bags of McDonalds in their hands, climbed and squeezed their rolly polly pudding and pie bodies into the small Toyota Corolla windows of the driver and passenger seats because the doors obviously didn’t work. I made no effort to hide the fact I was laughing at them hysterically.
But Karma was swift – on my drive home, I sneezed so hard I smashed my head on the steering wheel.
Today was a good day…

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