Do you know where Bali is?

Do you know where Bali is? I do coz I’m here now, shame.
Anyway, it’s safe to say I can class myself as a professional holiday maker. I am very good at doing nothing and basing my days around meal times. Rather than expertly wasting my time at home putting cello-tape on the cats paws, I am in beautiful foreign lands, lounging, eating, drinking, sleeping and getting massages.
I have literally just arrived back into bed after a Balinese massage held inside my hotel and only a few doors down from my room. Perfect.
This was most probably likely the best massage I have ever had. It was incredibly extensive and her little muscular tropical fingers were magical. She massaged every part of my body minus my growler and boobs. My ears, eyes, fingers and toes. She even flipped me over and massaged my stomach, I was hoping she would unfurl my belly button to hop inside and give my organs a wee rub down. Needless to say I was well oiled, relaxed and in that moment I knew I was a professional holiday person.
(I fell asleep before I finished writing this, that just shows you the extent of my relaxation)
Last night I dreamt about patting tigers and lions and riding elephants off into the sunset, I was awake at 4am with intense excitement stomach cramps because guess what, that’s the kind of activity a pro holiday maker would do, so it’s happening today ya dummies and you can be jealous of my awesome life after I write a shitty blog about it.
Watch this space….


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