Actual Piss

So I had a really cool day in the weekend. I met friends for an extensive walk in exercise clothes, got some sweet sweaty pancakes and coffee, then went to The Warehouse to purchase come homeware items.

I have real problems with going to discount stores, I go in thinking I’ll just get a coupley things so don’t get a trolley then I end up with armfuls of shit that I continually drop while cruising the isles trying to decide whether I’ll buy the donut machine or popcorn maker, both of which I most certainly do(n’t) need.
Long boring story cut short, of course I bought armfuls of shit I didn’t need and whilst paying for said shit at the checkout in front of a long line of people, I knocked over a tick-tack stand hurling hundreds upon thousands of tiny candies across the smooth concrete floor… Time stood still as me and my civilian audience watched the tic-tacs fly until the silence was broken by a Dad doing what Dads do best and said “Ha! Well that’s what ya call a tic-tac-toe” whilst glancing to his family to encourage laughter at his genius comment.
Egg faced, I made a hasty exit down the stairwell to the carpark, armfuls of shit in tow and tic-tacs in my shoes, the same stairwell I travelled up in which distinctly smelt like piss. It was raining outside, ground under foot was soggy and in my flustered state I skipped a few steps and landed tailbone deep in a puddle of actual urine at the bottom, only managing to save my popcorn maker and not my dignity.

The day was saved by a mega hot shower that made me come out looking like i’d just run into Chris Brown and a steak dinner to end on a meat drunk high.


What is sleep?

As an adult human being right now, I have truly, totally and utterly forgotten how to sleep.
No amount of counting, reading, mind clearing and/or drugging can send me off, apart from occasional large amounts of alcohol which seems to do the trick.
It has always been my weakest ability but now I have entered into another realm of sleeplessness where actual sleeping pills can’t even send me into a proper long and deep slumber where dreams and cool shit happens, rather barely a slumber at all.
I fear my brain will fall out in the shower and my fingers will turn into intangible floating particles so I can’t even pick up a piece of peanut butter toast or touch a cat.
Life will then be over as I know it.
How does one sleep?