Bought a new car.
Sat at several sets of lights in said new car next to Richard Branson who had a woman in his passenger seat dressed like princess Fiona from Srek.
Got drunk in the day time.
Sprayed sparkling water over every surface of a taxi.
Got yelled at by the taxi driver.
Said Selamat Hari Raya to him.
He yelled at me again (he’s not Muslim)
Did some sleeps.
McDonald’s – spelling ‘through’ wrong since 1955 and getting away with it.
Anyone else seen the Nespresso coffee pod menu and think it’s just miniature blurbs for dating apps?
“Exceptionally intense and syrupy”
“Powerful and contrasting”
“Sweet and light”
“Rich and full bodied”
“Powerful and spicy”
“Fruity and balanced”
“Floral and wild”
Which Nespresso are you?
If I was pregnant, the only thing I would be happy about is that I could finally let my gut out after 15 years of sucking it in, it’s time would have come to relax and just be itself.
Upon being asked by my work mates if I wanted to go out for a drink with them after work, my reply was “no….I’m tired, I just want to go home and poo in my own toilet”
I’d say that was a fair call for working on a Sunday, wouldn’t you?
Sometimes I like to linger a while down the pet food isle at the grocery store and fantasy shop for all the pets I don’t have.
My dating life at the moment is about as successful as when I matched with one of the dudes from Alt-j back when I had tinder and sent him the following opening message which got me unmatched instantly….
“Would you rather die by A: being stripped naked, rolled in honey and seeds then pecked to death by common park birds. Or B: ripped apart and eaten by a group of starved, depraved toddlers?”
One of my many terrible opening lines. In hindsight, I guess a simple hello would have sufficed…