Single Life Struggles 

My dating life at the moment is about as successful as when I matched with one of the dudes from Alt-j back when I had tinder and sent him the following opening message which got me unmatched instantly…. 

“Would you rather die by A: being stripped naked, rolled in honey and seeds then pecked to death by common park birds. Or B: ripped apart and eaten by a group of starved, depraved toddlers?” 

One of my many terrible opening lines. In hindsight, I guess a simple hello would have sufficed…


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