I should get drunk more often… I could change the world!

I don’t often look at my bank statements but tonight I had a scroll through to remind myself that I use Uber way too much and spend over half my wages on food and alcohol – nothing new there but I noticed £10 a month had been exiting my account for the last 3 months.

Turns out I adopted an orangutan called Jumbo when I was drunk one night and all the emails about him when to my junk mail. Probably the best decision I ever made whilst off my tits.