Which Nespresso are you? 

Anyone else seen the Nespresso coffee pod menu and think it’s just miniature blurbs for dating apps?

“Exceptionally intense and syrupy”

“Powerful and contrasting”

“Sweet and light”

“Rich and full bodied”

“Powerful and spicy”

“Fruity and balanced”

“Floral and wild”

Which Nespresso are you?

Single Life Struggles 

My dating life at the moment is about as successful as when I matched with one of the dudes from Alt-j back when I had tinder and sent him the following opening message which got me unmatched instantly…. 

“Would you rather die by A: being stripped naked, rolled in honey and seeds then pecked to death by common park birds. Or B: ripped apart and eaten by a group of starved, depraved toddlers?” 

One of my many terrible opening lines. In hindsight, I guess a simple hello would have sufficed…

Want to watch me talk absolute shite? Well now is your chance, suckers.

Who wants to watch me rant on and on and on about nothing other than myself and cars?
No one? That’s fine… coz I just learnt how to save the stories you do on Instagram and this one is particularly special, sandwich short of a picnic special. I’ll just leave this here anyway….

Click on rant below