Wears glasses for one day….

“Shit I actually need these. I should wear them more often”

*carries them around in handbag for another year*

Repeat yearly until you die.

The Grammys

I did a recording of the Grammy awards on my home television so if you missed it here is a run down so you don’t have to watch it.

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Paul McCartney looks like a ventriloquist doll, that one legged bird got out at the right time didn’t she. Robin Thick and his Dad on the keyboard are boring and need to go back to Michael Bubble’s house where Nicolas Cage is waiting for them naked. Taylor Swift, your soggy piano music does not, and I repeat, DOES NOT justify head banging and I wish you could see yourself gangster dancing up the front with your weird Mom to Imagine Dragons and Kendrick, I wouldn’t do that again if I was you. LORDE WON. I fast forwarded another super boring dude on a piano with great eyebrows. Ringo Starr did some fabulous rickety Dad dancing and probably should have quit while he was ahead, we could do without the ‘ill put out a new single just coz I can’. Cut to many surgeried up wives who I couldn’t tell if they were scared or enjoying themselves. Daft Punk couldn’t say thank you via their robot heads or accept the award with their slippery robot hands. Paul, you should have taken my advice for Ringo and his new single, we don’t need it mate. LORDE WON. Keith Urban needs a mans hair cut and to let go of his blonde streaked youth. Mark Anthony is dead inside. Julia Roberts is frozen. I have absolutely no idea what Ozzy Osbourne said into the microphone. Bruno Mars looked like Michael Jackson in the Thriller video (don’t mind it) LL Cool J is still hanging onto the cheese-cutter for dear life. Country music is weird and sucks but I like LED cactuses. Willie Nelson is the oldest living person on the planet and when he dies (probably never) his hair will be made into one thousand wigs.

The good bits in there don’t need mention but the shit bits came thick and fast and everything got boring so I went to bed. Maybe ill try again tomorrow night for good bits.
Also, I am at home on the couch stuffing my face and clearly not as important as all the important people mentioned.

COOL.

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Does dancing make or break a relationship?

One of my favourite things to do is people watch, its a common interest among many people I know. All situations for people watching are entertaining, and the general public are extremely interesting, mega retarded, super weird and amazing to watch. One particular public situation I enjoy watching people in is clubs, bars, and any social event where dancing is involved. Watching people dance has had me doubled over laughing, made me pick up my jaw off the ground in amazement, cringed with every muscle in my body, and thus led me to write notes in my phone so I can write about them later….COOL STORY AYE.

And on that notes, note, in the notes section on my very smart iPhone, I write things down that I hear, see or think about so I can write about them on this boring blog of mine. I looked at the notes section the other day and was a little lol’d by my ‘ideas’. The shit I come up with…..seriously… I guess thats why I made a twitter account, so all the every day bullshit boring words, thoughts and slogans which aren’t worth a Facebook status update or a blog post about, can be pumped out when they pop into my dome. Like today for example, I did a twitter that said “Wearing baggy undies makes me feel skinny”. Fuck I am a genius.

But the rest of these little notes slipped through the cracks and have yet to be elaborated on, and probably never will be…Here is a wee list if ya like….

  • Suction cupping.
  • ‘Fomosapian’ (I think I made up a new word)
  • Bunyan as a last name. Gutted.
  • NAMIBIA – possibly the best word ever invented.
  • Tucking tee shirts in – its a crime.
  • If I eat my body weight in sushi, it doesn’t mean you can frown at me.
  • Seeing that hot dude who was just a mega doosh you went on a date with a few years ago out with his new Mrs who looks like dogs balls. Perfect.
  • Does dancing make or break a relationship?

Does it? I think it does. There is always the couple or group of friends you see out dancing together, and most of the time they have a similar style. The out of time awkward Dad dancers, the arm swilling bendy ravers, the indie side steppers, the got it all wrong and has no idea but is having the time of their lives dancers, the greasy Alanis Morrisette hair metal head bangers, the hippy Thai pant frankincense liquid movement dancer. And many more characters that I can never take my eyes off and must probably look like a weird bitch, staring at people all night long. I am no Michael Flatly, but I can certainly groove when occasion calls. Bad dancers are the spice of my life, but unfortunately if you are shit on the D-floor, ya won’t be doing any sweet moves in my bed any time soon.

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And thats it….another shitty blog post. I can’t guarantee you will get your 5 minutes back from reading this post, but just say the word ‘Namibia’ a couple times and tell me it doesn’t feel good in your mouth.

You’re welcome

SEE YA.