Vegans, seriously. STFU

Me in cafe standing next to dog: “Your dog is super cute! Little wiry man! What breed is he?”

Dog owner: “He’s a whippet cross with a (I couldn’t hear the last part)”

Me: “I have never seen a poochie like him before!”

Dog owner: “These breeds are typically rat and rabbit hunters”

Me: “Ohh ok cool. Well that’s handy?!”

Dog owner: “I’m a vegan” *followed by death stare*

Me: “Ummmm” (thinks in my head….What the fuck has that got to do with the price of bread you weird weirdo. I’m talking about your dog. Oh, you’re a vegan so it’s in your blood to tell everyone you meet at any given opportunity!!!)

Collects coffee and leaves dreaming of bacon….

M&M world championships 

When I eat M&Ms, I like to hold two M&Ms in between my fingers and squeeze as hard as I can until one cracks, I eat the cracked one, and the one that didn’t crack becomes the champion. Then I grab another M&M and force it to compete with the champion in this deadly game of M&M gladiators. I do this until I run out of M&Ms and when there is only one left standing, I send a letter to M&Ms brand with the champion M&M in it with a note attached that reads: “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes”
Can someone go down the shop and buy me a bag of M&M’s please?