Merry Chrithmith



Don’t forget to hide all your fish hooks in your garden and spread some burley around the house this tomorrow day because Salmon Claws is coming so soon to come and eat all the fish hooks so you can hopefully catch a big fat one this year and weigh it in at the boat club shed around all your mates who will take the photos of you holding up your Salmon Claws that you caught and everybody will be so proud of your catch that you get to have a free spin of the fortune wheel and on the wheel you can win heaps of other meats and you win a meat pack so big you need a lot of strong help to load it into your vehicle then you will put Salmon Claws in a big sack and take it home because the dinner needs to be served to all of the neighborhood cats who really love that salmon and mixed meats and if you can’t afford to buy fish hooks and burley this year then that’s your fault because you had so much warning that this annual fishing event was coming to your house.
Have a successful time
Katie Jones


I’m guna punch you guy

Hey, how’s that cookie, guy? Is it delicious? Is that the best cookie you have ever had in your whole god damn life guy? Coz I can hear it. I can hear every single bit of it. And it loudly sounds like you are literally eating Jesus’s ass if that’s what you consider your slice of heaven. And that coffee, how’s that hmm? Do you live on a deserted island so every drop counts? Like reeeeeally reeeeeally counts. And you slurp it so it circulates in your mouth to give you it’s full hydrating potential out of every mouthful. Every. Single. One. Coz if you don’t make offerings to the slurping gods you will die on the deserted island on which you live, with that cookie, and that moustache with all kinda shit stuck in it and that business suit that makes you look like a balloon animal. But mainly just that sweet sweet cookie and that coffee clearly made with milk pulled straight from gods teats.