We’ve all been late to work sometimes haven’t we? But brushing your teeth and spitting on the footpath as you’re walking to the tube is next level.

Wingdings were the original emojis

I woke up last night and wrote this important musing –

I often think about the job security and well-being of pimps out there in the world now that girls can download an app straight to their phone and just send nudes directly to thirsty dudes who pay for it whilst they’re at home taking a dump or raising their kids. Prostitution starts at home 😌

“Other people’s incessant complaining is the thief of my patience”

– Katie Jones, 2019

I wonder if mall Santa’s will eventually be banned coz children sitting on a random old mans lap is weird right?