Seen more ass than an airport toilet…

Don’t ever contemplate too long about how the ‘designers’ of the fabric used for the seats on the tube had a brief which went something along the lines of…. design a pattern that disguises millions of people’s ass filth and will stand the test of time yet represent the city we live in.

I’ll help you rent your place out….

The real estate agent letting the flat I’m in brought a whole group of people over to view it tonight because I am moving out soon, of which I forgot was happening. So a key goes in the door, 7 people swiftly walk in and there I am, lying on the couch watching prison documentaries in my undies and a shitty old singlet with no bra on eating dinner off a plate that is resting on my chest spooning it into my mouth so I didn’t have to lift my head too far off the cushion.

I emailed the agent to apologize.

He hasn’t replied….

The London Bunderground

Today on the tube my entire bun of hair got caught in the doors from one stop to the next, which is only a few minutes but my hair’s whole life went flashing before my eyes and I was mentally preparing to be scalped as the train jerked around on the tracks, I stayed awkwardly glued to the doors, pretending that absolutely nothing was wrong, just hoping I come out unscathed. Thankfully my life and my hair was spared, but the same can not be said for my social anxiety.

Nervous scribbles

Do you ever get signature fright? Like when someone hands me something to sign and they’re watching me, I start off confident then it quickly trails off into some ridiculous scribble that doesn’t even remotely resemble my real signature. Then you get anxious that the person who’s watching you is thinking ‘wtf is that?’

Oh my goodness gracious me LIFE HACK

Guys! Guys! Ok so it’s not a life hack at all, I just had to reel you in somehow.

Now, don’t judge me but I am a little bit drunk whilst I write this. BUT, I was just emailing the cleaning company that I use to clean my house because I’m a lazy bitch an cannot be arsed cleaning soap scum off the shower door myself, just letting them know that my cleaner needs to up her game coz quite frankly, she sucks and I ain’t paying for a no clean, cleaner.

ANYWAY. I typed in their email address but the first letter of it was in capital letters – automatic keyboard set up when you start writing anything in digital format obvs. I pressed send and off it went, then I realized! Shit, the first letter was a capital i better put it in lowercase and then it will send.

They emailed back and the chain of emails was there and I saw I had sent the email twice.

THE CAPITAL LETTER EMAIL HAD SENT!

Moral of the story is – email addresses aren’t case sensitive.

I realize that you probably all know this already and I’m just slow.

Ok, Bye.