Uber driver changes the music from generic pop to gangsta rap: “do you like this music? I change it because you don’t look like princess”
Me: “It’s fine, I don’t care”
Uber driver: “This kind of music has a lot of dirty words, I’m not sure to be sorry or not”
Me: “Uhhhh, I’m not sure what to say”
Uber driver: “Just listen ok”
Me: “………. ok?”

Here is something I wrote in 2018 that has just surfaced again…

“Tonight at a restaurant I fell up a flight of stairs burying my face into a strangers crotch as he was descending and I managed to rip the pockets off his suit trousers as I tried to cushion my fall.
All in all it was just great to be invited to hang out with friends ya know?”

HEY GUYS. I am playing ‘fight the sleeping pill’.
I am still winning after 1.5 hours into the match but I have to say my candy crush skills are beginning to wane. My right eye has begun to rest and is almost completely shut, the other is well awake and using my telephone for me. I feel like if Paddington Bear had a navel, I would climb right in. I hate the word craft. I like feeding cats marmite. Powdered wallpaper glue makes me feel weird.
I lose the game.

While most girls are all over the internet putting up pictures of their ass, desperate for attention and crying into their iPhones because they’re so upset about the ‘injustice’ of not being able to show their nipples online to strangers all over the world while I’m just over here getting really annoyed that every time I try to slip away from the group so I can discretely let out a little parp, someone always follows me wanting a chat when it’s already too late, the deed is done, so now my good intention then turns into a bad confession when they realise what they’ve just walked in to.

“In case of death, do not live life to the fullest”

A pessimists view penned by Katie Jones, 2020.

As I was standing on set eating my first cookie that I’ve had in over a week, a guy walked past me and said “Mind your fingers”

Every time I walk through duty free areas in airports I always notice the staff and think that they are the literal world experts of gossip. Just one huge brain of who’s sleeping with who, why Sharon’s Mum was seen leaving Debbie’s house so late on a Monday night, how Simon from accounts asked Michelle out then ghosted her, all the latest celeb news and when Forever 21 is having their winter sale.
You could ask them about any gossip you could think of and they would know.

As if the Ku Klux Klan wasn’t ridiculous enough, the names of its members and their ranks reflect this accordingly –

Grand Dragon, Grand Wizard, Grand Titan, Grand Cyclops, Knighthawks, Imperial Wizard, Exalted Cyclops, Council of the Centaurs, Grand Giant, Grand Magi, The Grand Monk, The Grand Exchequer, The Grand Turk, Ghouls and Knights.