Me, thinking to myself…

“These Facebook algorithms are getting really personal at the moment…. my feed is all just people having babies, getting engaged and married”

Inner me

“Yeah, because that’s what people do at your age you fucking loser”

Me, thinking to myself

“I’ll just click here to hide those ads, it’s a bit much”

*realizes they aren’t ads*

Then me and inner me meet….

Let’s face it, buying Christmas presents gets very expensive and the pressure to spend a lot of money on stuff we don’t really need is turned up full notch year after year. Why not do something different this year and literally change someone’s life with the things you purchase? CHOOSE LOVE – in store and online, whatever you buy at Choose Love goes directly to refugees across Europe and the Middle East and the items for sale cover every part of a refugees journey from arrival to setting up a new life. Items start at £6.60 or you can buy every single item available for £499.

Why not get everyone at your work place to pitch in a few bucks and buy a whole bunch of things? Hell, why not buy the lot! Why not buy one item ‘for’ each of your family members and give them the gift of knowing someone in need was helped in some way.

Something to think about this Christmas holidays, knowing that others are simply just trying to live.

Xx

https://helprefugees.org

https://choose.love

We know that stalking our ex on social media is ALWAYS a bad idea yet in moments of weakness we all do it right? Last night I was super restless and couldn’t sleep so after a heavy sesh of watching videos of hamsters playing basketball and posting letters in miniature mailboxes I began to feel nostalgic for fuck knows what reason but I decided to look him up. I’ve been pretty damn good at not doing this with ‘him’ as it was a painful relationship and a painful break up so I blocked and deleted him from my life immediately and was very strong about it all. But it’s been about 3 years now and perhaps it’s because I have just begun to embark on something new that I reflect on the past or maybe I just want to know what that little prick is up to and kill myself in a lengthy session of stalking level 100?

(edit* the ‘new’ thing I was embarking on has dumped me already so now I guess I just want to know what the old bastard is up to, no reflection here!)

Of course he is with one of the girls he cheated on me with and has been since our bed was still warm from me being in it, they own a dog together and live in a nice flat back in New Zealand as one happy little family, traveling often and putting up loads of couple shots (with the dog of course). They look happy, and while I had pangs of pain from putting myself through an extensive amount of torture wading through the black hole of the internet, I felt happy for them too…….

For all of 5 seconds then ordered a bottle of wine on Deliveroo and ate a family sized pack of mixed deli meats in bed.

**googles – “is getting meat drunk actually a thing?”**

FML

When you cut yourself shaving in the shower, the blood mixes with the water and turns into the fucking red river nile, you think for a second “is this how it’s going to end? Naked in the shower with a god damn hello kitty shower cap on? What have I done to deserve this”

Today I walked into the bathroom and entered the large disabled cubicle, I had already undone my belt and pants before I got in there so just promptly sat down and began, as I looked up I saw the door to the cubicle swing wide open – I hadn’t locked it properly and it was too far out of my reach to close it now. I sat there looking into the mirrors directly in front of me which gave me a perfect view of the door, dicing with death, nervously preparing a speech, just waiting for someone to walk in and be startled by my seemingly deliberate act of exposure.

Today I lived life on the edge.

Happy Friday everyone

Xx

My yoga practice is often restricted by my fat getting in the way, so I try and push it about so I can deepen my poses but it firmly sticks like peanut butter to the roof of a cats mouth. You try and try to get it off but it stays so you give up and just live with it stuck there, forever, until you die.

People around me are always talking about the house they just bought and the engagement rings that just got planted on their fingers, or the babies being made and I’m just sitting there like, mate I had a dream last night that the factory which makes my favourite shampoo burnt down and I’m still feeling weird about it, can we just talk about that for a minute?

Have you ever had that moment when you get up off the toilet and a bug flies out of nowhere and you think for a second – “did that just fly out of my butt?”